Mental Health Support

synni

(318 posts)

7. Your husband is correct

Reply to LiberalLoner (Original post)

Tue May 13, 2025, 03:27 PM

Tuesday

Ignore the gas lighters, get on with your life, and the pursuit of happiness. All the best of luck to you!

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SheltieLover LiberalLoner spooky3 niyad Skittles Grey5

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There is something that confuses me a great deal...the concept of "family." [View all] LiberalLoner Tuesday OP

I don't believe you have any obligation to be around anyone, family or not, that mistreats you let alone abuses you. MLAA Tuesday #1

Thank you so much!!! 💙💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #2

People who get angry at us for setting boundaries Basso8vb Tuesday #3

Thank you so much! My husband is so happy I have set boundaries and is very afraid I might let them back in. I won't.💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #5

Having to scapegoat somebody else terrifies them as any one of them could be "it" SheltieLover Tuesday #3

Thank you so so much! 💙💙💙. I think they are just angry to lose their favorite punching bag. They don't LiberalLoner Tuesday #6

Absolutely! And they absolutely will turn on someone else now that you've extricated yourself SheltieLover Tuesday #8

💙💙💙💙poor next scapegoat. LiberalLoner Tuesday #11

I hear you, LiberalLoner. And I feel/felt your pain -- especially from the guilt. But no more punching bag here either. wordstroken 19 hrs ago #42

Thank you so much! 💙💙💙. I am glad you escaped, too. 🤗🤗🤗🤗 LiberalLoner 19 hrs ago #43

Your husband is correct synni Tuesday #7

Thank you so much! I will try to! 💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #13

Great book: "Scapegoat Complex" SheltieLover Tuesday #9

Thank you so so much! 💙💙💙💙. I will find it and read it, even if it is triggering. It might help explain why LiberalLoner Tuesday #14

I just bought the kindle by that author that I think will help me a lot, thanks so much! 💙💙💙I do have C-PTSD which LiberalLoner Tuesday #17

Absolutely it is very common for dysfunctional families to scapegoat one member. SheltieLover 17 hrs ago #48

Perfect example! SheltieLover Tuesday #22

Thank you so so much for being so kind and wonderful! 💙💙💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #23

You are most welcome! SheltieLover 17 hrs ago #49

Excellent advice. Thank you, SheltieLover. wordstroken 18 hrs ago #47

Hi Words SheltieLover 17 hrs ago #50

Will definitely do. Thanks again, Sheltie wordstroken 13 hrs ago #53

You might also enjoy looking up testimonials on You Tube regarding Internal Family Systems (re: "No Bad Parts" book) SheltieLover 17 hrs ago #51

On it. wordstroken 13 hrs ago #54

Blood is not necessarily family. Hope22 Tuesday #10

Thank you so so much. 💙💙💙 I wish you peace and safety, and all the best. 💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #15

Keeping close to abusive people, family or not, is masochism NoRethugFriends Tuesday #12

That's what I always thought too, but the outcry when you go no contact is just deafening, you know? And I wonder why. LiberalLoner Tuesday #16

Because that loses them their target for abuse and ugliness. niyad Tuesday #19

Thank you 💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #24

A lot of people in society have a Hallmark Cards view of reality spooky3 Tuesday #20

Thank you so so much 💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #25

A couple of points from my personal view: the concept of "family" that is niyad Tuesday #18

Thank you so so much! 💙💙💙💙 I stayed close to my fellow scapegoated stepsister, she is awesome. LiberalLoner Tuesday #26

Maybe a new definition of family would help. Perhaps it really is not defined by who you share DNA with! Amaryllis Tuesday #28

I couldn't agree more, Niyad! SheltieLover 17 hrs ago #52

Thank you get the red out Tuesday #21

OMG walking on eggshells like that is classic being a scapegoat or abuse victim! You were abused too as badly as I was LiberalLoner Tuesday #27

I have always defined family in different ways. Lonestarblue Tuesday #29

Very wise 💙💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #30

I got divorced from what I knew as 'family' stillcool Tuesday #31

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how hard it is to endure such a loss. 💙💙💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #32

Thank you. I was surprised... stillcool Tuesday #34

💙💙💙🤗🤗🤗 LiberalLoner 19 hrs ago #44

Growing up in an abusive family, I can attest NO CONTACT is best. They rarely ever accept the Clouds Passing Tuesday #33

💙💙💙🤗🤗🤗. Funny thing is, they are the ones who appear, or are, "normal" to the outside world. LiberalLoner 19 hrs ago #45

KnR Give Peace A Chance Tuesday #35

💙💙💙🤗🤗🤗 I mostly daydreamed about suicide every day. Thought about dashing in front of a school bus. LiberalLoner 19 hrs ago #46

Life is hard, families fight...but clearly yours must have gone far past the point of deserving forgiveness lostnfound Tuesday #36

Thank you so much! 💙💙💙some of it is them simply not admitting, or downplaying the abuse....for example, my LiberalLoner Tuesday #40

Make sure to keep a proper distance. Even in good families. Festivito Tuesday #37

A restraining order is probably most appropriate for my family of origin. Thank you so much! 💙💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Tuesday #38

No...toxic family are not. Tikki Tuesday #39

Yes, thank you...💙💙💙 I regret ever exposing my husband to my toxic family. I wish I had not. LiberalLoner Tuesday #41