Mental Health Support

I am certain that I never really had any mental illness that was not circumstantial. I never saw any stigma in any illness.

I know this article almost by heart:
https://theconversation.com/how-neoliberalism-is-damaging-your-mental-health-90565

Ruth Cain is awesome. Unfortunately I have not found more writing of hers.

But if I don’t really have any mood or emotion issues, addiction (give me a break- the medicalization of every damn coping strategy for a crappy reality) or delusions (I am sorry that I can’t adjust to unreasonable crap and creeps and I won’t), your post I can relate to.
My main issue is attention regulation and my work requires long hours of focus I struggle with and always did.

I do use modafinil and medical marijuana, though Adderall is what would really help. I had one good shrink who was helpful and prescribed it in 2009. But I was young and stupid and didn’t make the best use of it and then had this job I disliked. But far worse was the psychiatry at that shithole I worked at then. My mentor was okay, but he was..He was a decent man and a honest scientist, but personality wise …well, he watches TED tech talks and if I don’t think TED tech talks are everything wrong with society, I still use them as a gauge of...well I totally agree with this:

https://www.thedriftmag.com/what-was-the-ted-talk/

I have used a handful of pieces like these over the years to feel less alone.
The most laughable part is thinking that grumpy contrarianism is something you can monetize or brand. It is what pathetic about trying to absorb all of society into these tumors-activists, environmentalists, feminists, publicly funded scientists etc. Those are groups you can try to destroy or eliminate from society sure. Or banish to the outskirts. Not absorb.

I feel more functionally pessimistic finally after 14 years of hell. It was confusing. Shouldn’t Trump 2.0 and the seemingly increasing technofascist consolidation make one feel worse?

But I think it has actually made clearer to more people how much corruption and structural rot there is in the system.
And I don’t think you can find a middle ground.

Things could go either way. But at least there will be some people who have finally shaken off the paralyzing death grip of these creeps. It will be less lonely at least. And I don’t mean lonely as people normally think of it.
I am stoutly pessimistic and somehow that makes it easier to be less pessimistic. It’s not innate. You have to daft to go around ignoring reality and being optimistic like the shills or to keep finding some new foul thing to stagnate into. It’s all hopeless, but that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t try.

I spent 14 years trying to endure hideous drivel. It wasn’t ill intentioned entirely as much as mind numbingly stupid, self serving and fucking awful.

Outright malice is on the whole less confusing..But it is hard to forgive and I won’t. The dems who caved on ACA, Merrick Garland etc are people to learn from..re: how not to be.

I have to go try to focus (hard as it is). My work always does make me feel better, but a plethora of lousy distractions made it harder even than usual.

And noise pollution on the street outside drives me nuts. Too many damn people as is and some additional bullshit on top of that..